Miss Fiona Grey - Chapter 6

Worse. Then better.
The first thing Fiona could think of was to ask Stavroulla for help.


- Now tell me everything, Fiona. What exactly happened?
- You know that we have been fighting a lot. Even from the beginning. But the last year it has become worse. Much worse. He have hit me before, but now I'm starting to become really afraid. Last night he pushed me over the kitchen table, and, and, and... Oh this is so embarrassing!


- Let me see that eye! My darling Fiona. That injury did not come from a fall over the kitchen table. He hit you didn't he? Real hard?
- Yes.
- You have no reason to be embarrassed. What he did is a criminal act. But first of all let us get you to a safe place.


Stavroulla made some phone calls, gave Fiona an address and put her and the kids in a taxi.
- I know these people. They will take good care of you. Most of the women there have a similar story like yours. Or even worse. They will all understand.


From the outside the shelter looked like a ordinary house, almost like a real home. It used to be a B&B, but was turned in to a safe-house for women ten years ago.


Inside it was cozy enough, and Stavroulla made sure that they all settled in nicely.


Their room was a bit cramped, but Fiona had a good nights sleep. The first one for a long time.


After a while they all found new friends, some to become friends for life. Fiona especially appreciated how everybody helped each other, and didn't mind when little Nora called all the women in the house for Mummy (!). Actually she thought it was kind of sweet, and loved the fact that both her kids were safe and happy.


Parallel, Fiona was seeing a lawyer. She filed for divorce of course, but she also got temporary restraining order and Niels could only see the kids under the supervision for the first year. Legally the most complicated turned out to be the right to stay in their old house.


- We will get there, Ms Ramberg the lawyer assured her, but it will take some time, and then there is the economical side of course. Even if you get the priority of the house, you will need to pay Niels out. If you can't get an agreement with your bank, you could apply for a guarantee through the MAF-foundation.
- MAF-foundation?
- Mother and feminist foundation! They will help you out.


And that just what happened. Eight months after they left in a taxi, they moved back in at the blue house by the sea.


Unfortunately, it was not the end of all problems. The truth was that Fiona felt unsafe and alone in the house. And even worse, Fionas anxiety also transferred to the kids, and made them more uneasy, obstinate and difficult. She had a hard time as a mother, and as herself.


Fiona turned once again to comfort eating and the problems with that was obvious. She couldn't find clothes to fit her, she was easily tired and her blood pressure were rising. And her anxiety become worse, not better. She tried to diet, but usually gave up after a week or so.


It all peaked when they had a break in. Fiona thought she might have a heart attack when the alarm got off, and when the police drove off with the thief, she was still in a panic state.


After walking around all night unable to sleep, she went to bed after sending the kids to school and day care.
- The truth is I have to do something. Who will take care of the girls if I get hospitalized? I have to do it, nobody else, but I will need help.


The very next day Fiona asked Stavroulla for the number to a good psychologist..
And few days later she had her first session with Ingrid Bogen.
- The thing is I'm still afraid. And it's not logical. It's like a heavy stone in my stomach, and I don't know why! And the eating of course. I'm not stupid, I know it's not normal to eat like I do.
- I think it's all connected, and interconnected and tangled. But we will sort it all out, step by step. Maybe you could start with telling me a bit about your childhood?


- Oh my childhood! Fiona sighed. How many years do we have? My childhood was not so happy. My parents were either lovebirds or in bitter fights. They were so absorbed in each other. I can remember a few happy moments, but most of the time I felt invisible and unwanted.


- If it hadn't been for my auntie Angela my whole childhood would have been a nightmare.


- We will talk more about this in the weeks to come Fiona, but as for the next few days I have some homework for you. At least once a day you must do something fun and silly. Alone, or with your kids.
- Fun and silly?
- Yes. The sillier the better. Be as childish as you can!


Fun and silly felt great!


- This is me! Fiona said to herself as she was making a silly snow angel. This is me lying here in the snow, being silly. Feeling a moment of happiness. This is me! Happy Fiona! Hellooooo!!! Hahaha! I can't stop laughing! Hahahaha!

Miss Fiona Grey - Chapter 5

What's Love Got To Do With ItNiels understood that Fiona had doubts.


- It is all up to you of course. I don't want to force you to do anything. But you have to know that I love you? I really, really love you, deeply and forever, you have to believe that! Please believe me!!
- I do, Fiona whispered. And that was the magic words of course.


Niels was so happy it was silly.


And in the beginning things were almost perfect - harmonious family life.
- You know they are selling the piece of land across the road? Maybe we should buy it?


It was a really beautiful site. Niels and Fiona worked very hard to collect the necessary $8000. They sold a lot of their stuff, Niels' car, they worked over-time, they sold vegetables from their own garden. It still wasn't enough. Until Niels inherited $30,0000 from his uncle. It was like winning the lottery!


Soon they were able to start the process of building their own house. They did most ground work with their own efforts. Niels was working day and night.


Nevertheless, one night they forgot about housebuilding for a while. And Fiona ended up pregnant again. She was not entirely happy about it.


She gained a lot of weight. And it wasn't ALL because of the pregnancy.


She tried to exercise a little bit. But her heart wasn't really in to it. There was a lot stress with the house, and Filipa was not an easy child.


- It will all be better when the new house is finished, Fiona comforted herself. We are getting there...


Every time Niels and Fiona had a little fight, Fiona consoled herself with food. The housebuilding, the pregnancy and Filipa keeping them both awake most of the night led to a lot of pressure on both of them.


And then Nora was born. At full moon. At Halloween. - Maybe it's a curse of some kind Fiona said to her friend Stavroulla, because she is making a lot of noise for sure! Little Nora, the sweetest little thing, was keeping her parents awake all night, just like her older sister.


But finally it was time to move to the new house. - It will all be better now Fiona said to herself. It just MUST be.


The little family moved across the street to the new house. It was a day of hope and new beginnings.


But some things didn't change. They were still fighting. And Fiona was still binge eating.


They all loved the new house though. Especially the view.


And Filipa no longer kept her parents awake. She was growing older. Starting school. But she seemed kind of sad. The constant bickering of her parents had a very negative effect on the poor girl.


Even Stavroulla was concerned.
- I can see that you are not happy, Fiona. Are you trying to drown your problems with food? It doesn't help you know. What is going on??
- Eh, I just have some problems losing weight after the pregnancy. But I will start the new diet on Monday. It will be okay. I will make it.
- Fiona, I don't think it's that easy.


And Stavroulla was right. Things were not easy at all. The were actually very complicated. There was tension. Bickering and fighting. Fear. Things got worse.


And one day Fiona faced the truth. Niels was mean to her. He hurt her. Okay, so he asked for forgiveness. And insisted that he loved her. She forgave him. But soon he became jealous or annoyed for no reason, and hurt her again. It was a pattern. She've had enough.


- This is not love. This is not okay. I can not allow this to continue. I have two daughters. This is NOT okay.

Miss Fiona Grey - Chapter 4

For better or worse
Fiona couldn't believe her own eyes.


I probably thought it was funny last night. Now I don't. I will just have to call him and admit my stupidity. Arrrgh!


- I'm so sorry! I've made a complete fool of myself!
Niels just laughed. "There you go! You are sorry again!
Fiona had to smile.
- However, in all fairness, and as a punishment, you will have to go out with me on a real date.


And so they did. One date, became two. And three and four. And after some time they were a couple. They had fun together. They fell in love.


They spent a week at the lake cabin together. It was truly romantic.


- I'm so madly in love! Fiona told Stavroulla. But I am a bit worried now, because we... ah well we had an accident sort of.


- Accident?
- Well, you know. I think I might be pregnant.
- Oh gosh, that's awkward isn't it? If you are you have to move of course.
- ?!?   Fiona felt her heart sink. - Yes, I guess it is too much to ask of you. I understand you don't want babies in the house.


- Not because of that, stupid! Because of B-cat! It is dangerous for pregnant women to be around cats! Because of toxoplasmosis, it is a parasitic disease. We had a lecture about it last year. I would love to have you and your baby in the house, you silly girl!
- Oh I see! But you are right of course. I can move in at Niels' place I guess. But I don't know if it is any better for the baby.


- His place is a dump.


After a couple of weeks Fiona was sure. She was pregnant. And it was time to move again.


The first thing Fiona did after moving in was to give the house a good scrub. Niels wasn't much help. It soon became clear that he was not used to domestic work. Fiona washed. Fiona tidied up. Fiona cooked. Niels watched TV.


- I don't think this is going to work out, Fiona thought to herself. I'm exhausted, and the baby is not even born!
She explained to Niels that this couldn't continue. And amazingly enough he promised to improve.


One crisp September night, just after midnight, Fiona woke up and felt very uncomfortable, and called her doctor friend Stavroulla.
- I think I actually peed on myself!
- Oh sweetie, your water just broke! Get Niels to take you to the hospital, I will meet you there!


And Stavroulla was right of course. At ten past seven the next morning, little Filipa was born.
Niels seemed to take his role as a father and family man very seriously. He single handedly painted the house when Fiona was at the hospital. And he got up to feed and cuddle little Filipa EVERY night the first weeks, so that Fiona could get her much needed rest.


The little family enjoyed their family life, and even though money were scarce, they managed to clean up and refurbish the house during the next few months.


Fiona was quite proud of her new kitchen. But she was quite disappointed in herself.
- I was so sure I would loose the extra kilos in no time! she complained to Niels and Stavroulla.
- Don't worry about that! They both said, You are more beautiful than ever.


By Christmas Fiona still hadn't lost any weight. But she put on a brave face, even though this really bugged her and made her feel very down. However, she was genuinely pleased to meat Gregoris, Stavroulla's new boyfriend. All in all the holidays were not that bad.


That winter her depression became increasingly depressed though. Filipa was a grumpy little one, hot tempered like her father as she was, not giving her mother any rest. - I never realized taking care of a baby would be this challenging, Fiona admitted to Stavroulla. - I love her of course, but I must admit that I can't wait to get back to work to get some rest! Well not rest maybe, but some change at least!


Things got a little better the next few months. And one night Niels asked, if they just shouldn't get married?
- He is not the romantic type you know, Fiona said to Stavroulla, but I thought it was a cool idea myself!
- I bet you did! Stavroulla laughed. When will it be?
- On Filipas two-year birthday. Quite a birthday-gift, right!?
- How wonderful! And one month before my little baby boy is due! Perfect timing!


But when the day came, the timing turned out not to be as perfect anyway, because little Sebastian was born just hours before the wedding (and four weeks before he was supposed to).
Fiona was full of doubts. Not because Stavroulla was missing, but because she had this nagging feeling that something was missing from her intire relationship with Niels.
- Is this what I really want?? I don't know what to do! It's not too late to say No, but.... Oh I really wish Stavroulla could have been here!